When I was in college, I made a deal with myself. I would study as much as possible Monday through Saturday but no matter what, I’d never touch my Sunday. Sunday was my time to do anything I wanted, relax, be an idiot if I wanted to. I’d usually go to church and then get brunch/lunch. But I wasn’t looking to fill my schedule. It was my decompression time.
I didn’t think much of it and, in my view, it was somewhat biblical. God took a day of rest. I guess it’s not a bad idea to enforce one out of the seven days to rest.
I would say it worked. It helped me pass the CPA examination. It helped me through law school. But medical school was a different beast altogether.
I was struggling through medical school. Maybe it was an anxiety thing, maybe I was burnt out, maybe it was a confidence thing. Or maybe I just wasn’t smart enough. It didn’t matter. I had to get through as this was the final part of my journey. I had sacrificed so much. I can’t quit now! But what more could I sacrifice?
I could sacrifice my Sunday.
On a logical level, it makes sense. Working only 6 days a week meant I was only working at 85.71% capacity. What if I unlocked the final 14.29%. That be my final sacrifice needed to get me through the finish line.
I prayed on it and “went through heavy negotiations with God”. Haha. Maybe I could rest for 2 hours every day instead, maybe I would just take up half my Sunday at first. But something didn’t feel right. However, it felt like the only option. How else would I pass medical school? I now studied on Sunday.
If you’re familiar with my content, you’re probably aware of what happens next. WORST DECISION OF MY LIFE!!!!
My grades didn’t improve. They actually got worse. Things around my life started falling apart. I start becoming deeply depressed with suicidal thoughts. I needed to stop everything, take a break, and re-evaluate my entire life.
What exactly happened? Is this evidence that God is real? Is this proof that you shouldn’t disobey the Bible? One could make those conclusions. And I reflect on that from time to time.
I gave up too much when I sacrificed my Sundays. I had not realized what it was until it was too late. It has to do with expansive versus technical thinking. I’ll elaborate next week.